My time in Ghana up until this point has felt heavy.

There is a guy here named Matt. He is also Canadian, from Winnipeg. Matt has a peace about him that I have trouble understanding. On any given day, if you asked Matt how he is doing, he would tell you how happy he is, and how is loving his time in Ghana. He doesn't seem to have any grand ambitions, or at least he is not troubled by his ambitions. He is patient, content. He always has a little smirk on his face that shows how at ease he is here.

At first, that frustrated me. It seemed to me that he was naive. I felt that his simplicity and contentment was coming from an ignorance of the realities of Ghana. I told myself he was peaceful because of the drugs he smoked, or because he didn't have the same concern for addressing the world's problems that I do.

This weekend, though, I had a change of heart about Matt. I spent some time with him and realized that I was reacting so negatively to his peace because I was envious. I don't often feel at peace like that. Even in those moments that should be completely peaceful - on the beach by the ocean, under the sun, just ate a good meal, about to swim in the ocean - I feel a tightness in my stomach. There is something that prevents me from just letting go and being content in the moment.

This feeling tends to dominate my more routine days. When I am at university I am always feeling tense, like I need to learn more, faster. In my interactions with new people and with friends, there is a stress that I feel, like I am responsible for the conversation going well. I get exhausted by it, and my tiredness adds to my tension.

So I made a decision this weekend, that I need to relax. I am here for a short period of time. I won't understand or solve the development problems in Ghana. I won't become fluent in Twi. I won't learn all of the traditional songs and dances, won't read all the African literature, won't learn to cook all the African foods. But I will do some of all of these things, and I am deciding to be happy with what I do learn, rather than anxious about the things that are left unlearned.

I am transitioning from a mindset of having to learn everything there is to know about being Ghanaian, into a mindset of relaxation and enjoyment. I am going to start travelling more. I am going to do more spontaneous and exciting things (like dancing in the rain in my underwear!). I am going to treat my relationships more jovially, rather than the serious nature some of them have.

I hope that this is a lesson I can take with me back to Canada. Life is a journey and it is so important to enjoy the trip. I spend too much time stressing about being unprepared for the destination.

While I also believe that Matt's contentment results in less motivation to act and therefore less action, I also recognize that I am not helping anyone by feeling stressed and uneasy all the time. I am my better self when I am relaxed and happy.

Cheers to a spontaneous and (more) carefree summer! I can't wait. I am excited about life again.